Joels Mediocre Life

Sleep Sleep Sleep

2007-02-06T14:01:00.000-08:00

Ergh, I'm either ill, or becoming ill . Sleeping all day and night and then being bored during my wake. I can't even really be arsed to write anythin on this but fuck it, somethin to do eh. haha

Dance Dance Dance

2007-01-24T12:52:00.000-08:00

Something that I'm not proud to tell people, but when i was a child I used to get in a bucket and play in the sewer la laa la

Cruel World

2007-01-13T18:12:00.000-08:00

RIP Bernhard Mair. Known by many, feared by some, forget me not!
(Bernhard Mair is not dead, for unknowledgeable people, he is merely stranded in Austria)

Ok so this is my first post in quite a long time..this is due to several contributing factors.. 1. My laziness, 2.the fact that not much really happens, 3.ermm
So I'm still imagining how good it'd be if i updated more often so that people can feign a little interest, or give me some pointers as to why everyone says I look like a black bloke whos going bald or something.
So anyway, a quick recap is probably in order, christmas was pants, new years was so-so and today was pretty tame. I've recently broken up with my so called on-off girlfriend, it wasn't exactly kissy huggy snuggle bums like old Jim's, but it'll still take a bit of a fixer up'er and a few more weeks till I'm fully cured and able to walk properly again. On the brightside, it opens me back up to the worlds market, (however competive prices seem to be against me! noo. ) So i'm prolly better off... and at least 4 love songs more inspired! haha

interludeever wondered what i look like on the toilet?
alas, no longer..

Now that Berns trasmutated into Chris the mornings seem a whole lot louder and more so riddled with metal, and the once pleasant bird chatter coupled with berns yodaling practices, has been replaced by what I can only visualise as big sweaty meat heads splicing guns with guitars and congregating in my ear canal for my own personal enjoyment. fun fun. Well, at least chris doesnt wear laderhosen...or however the ass you spell em!
Went out for Japanese society the other night, was prolly the best one I've been to..not because of the usual enthralling group of japanese enthusiasts, but rather the end to the evening was a little more...appealing to me than my usual, 'why did i wear clean underwear' homeward stumble. hahaha.. I just found that funny. thats how fucking cool I am, to be able to laugh at my own jokes! indeed. Thats almost as cool as when i imagined charlies pugglewiff flatmate might be an alien! hahaha
I dunno' wot else to talk about now...looking forward to finishing this essay by the deadline so I can recontinue my Zelda completion campaign.yes yes.
Remind me to update again will ya guys! tanktank. love from joel, age unspecified...xxx

Dedicated to Ellie...

Topic of the day : My unbeknownst betrayal

Word of the day : Phallic

Top trumpet

2006-09-13T13:56:00.000-07:00

So after many years of wandering I finally decided to add a new post to this ever diminished blog.
And this post is the introduction of the 'Jamie card' a greatly sort after item, especially on the black markets of the world.

Name: James Kenyon
Age: 22
Nationality: English ...possibly Welsh or Japanese
Languages Spoken: English, Engrish,Japanese, Chinese.
Hobbies: Fighting, nampaing, sleeping with Colin.

Jim

'Boku Steeeve'

Jim as he sees himself

'Mankou ga suki desu'

Jim as everyone else sees him

'Sumimasen, okama dessssu'

STRENGTH: 50

MAGIC: 20

SPEED: 50

NAMPA STRENGTH: 100

JAP ABILITY: 90

DRINKING STAMINA: 80

GAYNESS: 20

P.S.O Rating: HUNTER

Okama deeeeessu!!!!

2006-07-23T23:55:00.001-07:00

Haha, so my time in Japan is ebbing slowly towards departure back to shitville...and I`m kinda looking forward to it, even though I`m loving Japan! Each week I wait for the go-ahead from Jim, telling me we`re heading out to Roppongi in order to release some steam (this being getting drunk and acting like `hoorigans` haha. But its fun and funny non-the- less. A brief stop over in kyoto saw the acquisition of my friends katana...as well as several other contraband items! haha. Also a trip to tokyo tower enlightened my towards the fact that all the hot japanese girls tend to work in the service industry...for some random reason. lol. On my travels I`ve come across many a beauty, be they japanese, american and yes, even french! Also been watching a decent amount of senseless television and the invention of a new word `schwank` has helped pass by the spare minutes when the tv becomes too senseless..hahaha. So after a few visits to porn shops, internet cafes...and about 10 millions macdonalds and the odd `colonels` or pizza hut...I feel like I`m almost becoming used to the Japanese way of life! hahahaha...thats right:P

So I leave this kind message with the people of Japanese origin.....why the fuck do u eat squid!? what possesses u to do such a thing!?!

lol

Topic of the day: My aching gut after squid consumption

Word of the day: Schwank haha

Yo guys!!

2006-06-14T15:15:00.000-07:00

Been a while since I updated, I've been way too busy digging for big stones in my back garden so I can sell 'em in order to afford my trip to Japan...which is finally set in motion! woo. Will be headin' out on the 4th with a random mate from Focus who I conned into quitting in order to have a travel companion.hahaha. Unluckles Focus, they've just lost like 6 employees over the past week...no fault of mine I might add! lol. Well, actually it was me who got the ball rolling in a few peoples cases..but that's to be kept on the sly in case I need a job when I get back. ho ho.
So anyways, I'm sticking around for a month so hopefully I'll get to travel a bit round Japonland and get to renshu suru my Japanese a tod...which definately needs the practice!!! Apart from that plannin' that, I been working my legs off trying to save up some capital, playing a bit of geetar in prep for next year when me and chris make it big, and going to see bands! woo. Went to the download festival last week...was fucking awesome, camping in a sketchy tent, suffering from hayfever, shitting in a trough, watching loads of bands and getting fucking wasted! what could be better eh! heh heh.
I'll try update this shitty blog again soon, I just have a bit of a lack of time to spare atm! lol
Take care minna-san. I'll speak soon eh!
Ja mata!!
(wow this blog was actually informative!)

Phonetical shennanigans

2006-05-16T17:13:00.000-07:00

Had a well savage dream earlier in which I thought I'd swallowed my tongue to which I woke up gasping for air(probably been chewing on my hand while sleeping or something)...lol, yeah and then I had a bit of a respiratory attack, which is pretty scary...and made me feel a bit like I was choking on a weasel...Nice ....so for the next like 3 hours I was actually well worried about swallowing my tongue(it feels so possible!lol) so I google'd it and that put my mind at ease. Lol. So after my incomprehensible ability to worry myself bald, i decided I might try and do some phonetics revI3n (as my earlier attempt with christine and jimbalina in the library had fallen prey to our lack of motivation and greater interest in the pointless matters of other stuff). Well, think I'm getting along swimmingly with it now, however, only time will tell! Last exam tomorrow - bitchin'...think I'll have a birthday wonker afterwards! ho ho ho

Topic of the day : Breathless voiced plosive fricative at the anal point of articulation

Word of the day : Uvular

Anyone remember this nostalgic moment? ha ha ha

My journey

2006-05-14T13:02:00.000-07:00

Well seeing as everyone seems to have undergone an interesting journey recently, I decided to partake upon an epic adventure of my own, the destination.....the centre of the Earth. I decided that I would definately require clean underpants and a shovel in order to reach my desired destination. Not to mention my legs which are very useful for wholesome activities such as walking, climbing and eating. It is roughly 5 trillion miles to the centre of the Earth(I assume)..and also bearing in mind that the journey will take me through pure bedrock, iron and molten rock then i calculate my average speed will be roughly 6 billion miles per milisecond if i jog (this is also taking into account my back disability and chronic illiteracy... as well as severe facial disfunctioning).

Here are somethings that I expect to find in the centre of the Earth..

obv iously dinosaurs live there

Jim's Mom is likely to be spotted

vampires are sure to be a common sight

lumberjacks also populate a large amount of the centre

ergggh ...hideous
After much trouble and various sub-quests I finally reached the centre of the earth... only to find that bern had actually reached it long before me and had eaten all the dinosaurs or whatever may have resided there once....damn you Bernhard!!! lol. Perhaps in the future I may be the first person to do something....but until then, perserverance is the word!...closely followed by feces I guess....hahaha. ahem*.
As you can see Bern beat me to it...*sigh*

There is actually a moral to this tale...if you ever plan a trip to some nether region of a sub-atomic place or whatever, you need to remember that Bern mighta' already beat ya' there on his bike !! So don't cry.

Topic of the Day : Joels journey around the world in 80 days

Word of the Day : Joelless

Woo mai donkey

2006-05-11T10:50:00.000-07:00

Chinese exam tomorrow...woop dee doo. Bet everyones vastly looking forward to it as well, especially Jimbo I'd imagine!...(if ya' turn up lol)
Today was boring, apart from revising and a swift trip to tesco I slept most of it away with the faeries... and then tried to study chinese and got bored so am writing this thoroughly interesting post about the hill dwelling mammals of Nebraska...and to a lesser extent, nothing.
I feel the urge to take a crap, but I don't actually need one, so instead I think I might just get back ta' studying the language of the zhongguo ren. Take care my fellow impeeded personnel.

Topic of the day : It's a boring day...but quite hot

Word of the day : Disability

Sleep deprivation is the answer to the universe..

2006-05-08T06:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it's not actually. Well, had a decent weekend, topped off with a nice early morning monday exam which i probably buggered up...but alas, shinpai shimasen I'm sure I'll pull through. lol. The weather has turned full on shit as well so can't even bask naked in the courtyard at the moment...which is a sad thing 'cos now I'll have to bask naked at Jim's house (unbeknownst to him). Today I also came into the possession of Jim's laptop...and not through an underhanded method I might add. hahaha. Looks like u forgot to delete ur secret stash of dog porn matey...unluckles! lol.(for those of u reading this and thinking i'm joking would be sadly wrrr..right...damn!!) hahahahaha. Anyways, on a less bullshit note...i think i will sleep for a few and later watch countdown ....which i like almost as much as this pile of sweets! Bye bye eskimo (that ones to u bern! heehee....not that it actually makes any sense...but it'd be funny to see u wearing an eskimo jacket and googles!! lol)

Topic of the day : The day I turned 34

Word of the day : Cardiovascular

Today is a good day to buy food

2006-05-03T15:50:00.000-07:00

Shumi wa benkyou suru koto desu...well actually not at all, but i'm doin' a bit atm! so woo! Today was most displeasing as i found that i have had no food in my cupboard for about a week and have been eating fast food constantly...nice and expensively as well.lol. So I went shopping and bought various items...Rather listing items that I bought, I'll list items i should have bought instead;
1 - A rapid firing lazer cannon with anti-recoil, uranium-depletion rounds and auto-targeting.
2 - A very rare animal, possibly a golden eagle or yettie.
3 - An authentic Santa Claus outfit, complete with sack and various reindeer.
4 - A small communist island, namely Cuba.
5 - 3 Noses

Maybe I will come across the opportunity to purchase some these items at a later date....but until then I will have to just have to be brave and bare the long, arduous nights of denial....naked. 'Who I am hates who I've been' - Reliant K quote (no actual relevance to anything).

Topic of the day : My shopping list - published by Joel Jackson in 2001

Word of the day : Bubonic

Hey homeboys...I'm a crazy, silly DJ

2006-05-01T14:25:00.000-07:00

That shits whack y'all...the party that was... I'da had more fun whacking off....which i promply did when i got home...actually not really, really,nai. Anyways, had a pretty cool weekend on my own crying at a concert and lead everyone to believe i was having fun! hahaha. i saw lots of emu's and cockers and lumps of metal. So it wasn't that bad of an experiencein all.
Also check out my awesome chicken that i accidentally burnt the shit outta'..haha oishii sou ne. lol. I think i should try and revise now tho...'cos my japanese needs some work! arghghgh see i just tried to say hello.. Bye folks, in the words of optimus prime ...do not mourn for me...lol

Topic of the day : Lumps in the back of my pants

Word of the day : Seismic

Ii Yume....nai

2006-04-28T05:42:00.000-07:00

Had a nice dream last night about a disease that everyone was contracting and that i thought would be funny to catch as well ...which gave me 6 hours to live (apparently)...It was very interesting and quite nutritional like an apple.This moring I think i managed to get up a lot earlier than previously, so i got up at like 1 today..I'm quite proud...but not proud enough to brag about it or post it on a blog .. Now i think I'm goin' to play dragon quest and later pretend that I know many famous people..(which I don't). Oh btw happy birthday Chris! Hope u get something like porn etc! O-tanjoubi Omedetto gozaimasu!! Heres a picture of Jamies Buddha stance as a present...'cos im a tight arse!

Topic of the day : Chris's Merry Yay day.

Word of the day : Interstella

Quite a nice wee..

2006-04-04T12:15:00.000-07:00

Today, we drank some cider ,went to lecture, and then something amazing happened!!! We all went for a massive piss!! Oh can you feel the unification in the air! I'm just curious as to whether Ol' Ken sussed on that Bern was a tad pissed, after all the errors he was telling me to make...and spelling his name wrong, which didn't happen, but woulda' been hella' funny!! hahaha. Oh the little things in life definately keep me amused. I'm trying to study Chinese at the moment...but when ever i begin to use more than 75 brain cells, my brain switches to standby mode(i fall asleep). Thats the problem when you suffer from serious facial spasms such as me. dshfuhsdfu...that was one just then.
Well I'm off to try and fit this bloody cactus up my nose.
Don't lose any sleep over this eh!

Topic of the day : Urinal discharge

Word of the day : Copulation

Squatting In Public

2006-04-03T15:27:00.000-07:00

Well, my weekend was ok i guess. Went home back to bitchville, saw some of me old mates, took a shit in the local park and used leaves to wipe my ass....You know, the usual.
Starting to get somewhat worried about the fact that I haven't done any of my coursework assignments yet....or even started them actually! lol. Well, theres always tomorrow...keep telling myself that and I'll be sorted eh.
Ooo, i've also got that karaoke exam and chinese thingy to worry about yet. Woopie doo.
'Beeru omamusoggs'....yatter yatter yatter

Night y'all

Topic of the day : The day I almost shit my pants in a bush

Word of the day : subquential

Male pattern spasmness

2006-03-30T12:30:00.000-08:00

Haha, after my hair accident yesterday, the one that spawned a nice blonde looking head dwelling apparition...I felt it my civil duty to go the length, and make it into a full on cataclysm. So anyways...you guys can enjoy that tomorrow! ho ho.
Once, again, my day consisted of sleeping and doing shat-all else. Oo I've got a dodgey eye that's all red and fucked up...That'll be todays highlight i think! ..Breaking news...Joels got fucked up eyes!!!...Whats new? haha, ciao

Topic of the day : Red eyed wonder

Word of the day : aaaaaaardvark

Towards The Dark Abyss

2006-03-29T09:24:00.000-08:00

Well, after a decent 20 minutes kanji coverage in the library today, I felt a well deserved nap was in order..So I got home,thought about food, and then went to sleep...as is the usual for my highly unmotivated lifestyle. Maybe ....hopefully....soon I'll get some enthusiasm back and will be able to go on a massive bookicidal reading spree to make up for all my wasted time! hahahaha. Can't envisage it happenin' too soon though. Just need to make it through my first year, then...just maybe...

Anyways, something that isn't boring....Did you know that rice pudding makes me throw up? Last time I ate it I was like 9 and I boked it straight away...now the smell makes me heave...and the sight of it makes my bowels heave.It's true...now you all know my weakness....let's not exploit it please...hahahaha.

Bye byee

Topic of the day : Erratic sleep patterns

Word of the day : Spewdom

Video Killed The Radio Star... in a celebrity deathmatch, stinge

2006-03-27T14:47:00.000-08:00

My time is nearing the end....of this day, not my life. But it's seems that all is not well in the alveolar region. It would appear that the mass consumption of playdough has had a negative effect on my immunity sytem, causing my mouth to swell up and pulsate ~ joudan da..
Ok, in actuafactility, today we went into the shout radio station(we, being me and some other people...duh) and talked about our problems...not really. But we did repeat the same phrase like 30 times and listen to some japanese music...which was ours anyways. Although the other two(chosen to remain anonymous...not really hahaha) sound somewhat like they have innate radio voices, I sound like a badger butt wrestling a chipmunk...(ie: was late in the marines)..but noones the wiser and we plod on with my interesting story about my pretend sad childhood.

I'm bored now anyways, so I'll end this with a song that brings back many nostalgic memories for us all...

'La la la, when i was a child i used to get in a bucket and play in the sewer la laa la'.

Topic of the day : When I was in the marines

Word of the day : hyperbole

Eat 'Dis!

2006-03-26T11:12:00.000-08:00

Upon closer examination of my anus it was infact still there....and so now i can report the most astonishing thing that happened to me today!! I woke up only to discover a most unfortunate circumstance had arisen, it would appear that despite all my best intentions and hopes, I had become hungry. It was at that moment I made the difficult descision of eating dinner.
It's my due belief that people should eat dinner everyday, thus to stave off any unfortunate implosive accidents...of their lungs...and bodies.

Soon I'll learn how to nail pictures onto this blog thing...then u can see what I'm on about first hand, as I'm sure you're all eager to witness the contents of my toilet from a joel-view perspective!
However, today I leave you kind folks with this dilemma..
If God wanted us all to be happy....then why aren't I wolverine?

Topic of the day : toilet observation

Word of the day : barometer

today my anus decided to remove itself

2006-03-24T17:02:00.000-08:00

This was obviously a momentous event, as I'm sure you can all imagine.....
This is my first post of my probably boring blog...I guess I'll try and make it not so boring by cunningly blending in some fabricated material with the boring real happenings that go on in my oh-so happy mediocrital existence...I'll also probably end up using lots of made up words to make it sound like I'm actually not an idiot, ...so please, if you do bob a word that doesn't exist, I don't care..
Lots of love from Joel ~ age 6

topic of the day : anus alienation
word of the day : anus